I’m Yours
Hi peeps. It’s me. I’m back again with this journal—slash, a.k.a., a sort of public diary of mine.
It’s been years since the last time I posted on this blog. I guess some things only happen when they’re meant to.
I’ve come to realise that when it comes to my own feelings, I’m pretty hopeless—clueless, even. I see now that I’ve been caring, a hopeless romantic, yet strangely in denial. I acted oddly whenever people tried to push us together, insisting that I wasn’t into you at all.
The truth is, I was hoping you’d come to me directly—hoping you’d be firm and clear about what we were, or could be. Instead, I stayed quiet and waited, convincing myself that I didn’t feel anything.
Now I’m stuck between two choices:
do I keep waiting, or do I finally let go?
Both choices show how afraid I am of rejection and how little confidence I have, shaped by past experiences. I’m afraid of being the unlucky one in love again and again.
Maybe back then, I just wasn’t mature enough to face what I was really feeling—and the consequences involving others who like you too, since we’re all connected in some way. I was afraid of hurting other people’s feelings, but I’m the one hurting the most here. I kept telling others that I felt nothing, but that wasn’t okay. It wasn’t righteous of me.
My Almighty, forgive me.
And forgive me too, my love.
Dear peeps, please help pray for me…
I’m so clueless, dumbass me.
I’m at my weakest right now.
My grandmother just passed away, and I don’t know who else to turn to anymore and she the one I always minta dua’s yang banyak from. I’m asking for an abundance of du’as…
Terima kasih banyak…
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